The Returning Page 25

  “And what of the others?”

  Jesse held her glance, pleading with his eyes, and it pained her. Again he dropped his eyes from hers. “The other Seers will leave with you, and none of you will ever set foot inside this city again.”

  Elise stood and took several steps toward Jesse. He backed away from the bars of her cell, and she stopped. Once again she watched him battle his own emotions, but this time she didn’t worry or fear. The Father was bigger than all battles and wars; His truth was able and sure.

  She wanted to say something that would convince Jesse of the truth, but words were lost to them both. She could see the darkness tugging down on his shoulders and felt the light pulling up at hers. Another long period of silence passed between them before Jesse unlocked the cell door and opened it.

  “Thank you,” Elise said, and Jesse fell silent. In a final flash of desperation, he said, “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

  “Yes it does,” Elise said, “because these are the choices we are making.” She took a step toward Jesse, and she sensed his spirit tense. “I just wanted to say . . .” She trailed off, trying to find the right words, searching for something grand and moving but coming up short. What really could be said at this point? Nothing he could say would sway her choice, and she could say nothing to sway his. They were truly at a stalemate, so all that was left to do was leave. “I just wanted to say thank you. I don’t think I realized everything that you really did for me until now. Also, know that I hold nothing against you.”

  The color drained from Jesse’s face, his eyes showing shock that quickly swirled into anger. Elise could sense the darkness digging its tentacles in deeper, dragging Jesse further into its depths and pouring waves of resistance upon him. Elise knew she had nothing to fear, but the evil crawling along Jesse’s insides made her own flesh shudder.

  He held her gaze for another long, threatening moment before pulling his eyes away and walking down the jail hallway as two guards entered to escort her out.

  “Elise,” Jesse said.

  She glanced at him, now standing several yards away.

  He barely looked at her as he spoke. “If you or any of the Seers ever return, I will kill you all.”

  Jesse let the words fall from his mouth and left the prison corridor. He felt her eyes on him, and it tore at his heart. Part of him wanted to rush back to her, apologize, and beg her to stay, but the darkness slapped him back hard enough to knock that part loose. How could he still be sympathizing with her after all the destruction she had caused? How could he still want her?

  How can you be letting her go?

  The whispers were harsher and more violent now. Chasing him. Jesse fought to keep them quiet but lost.

  This is a massive mistake.

  She will be back.

  She will ruin you.

  Jesse shook his head and walked with long strides up the staircase toward the main Capitol hallway.

  You still have time. You could still stop her.

  He moved with speed as he nearly tore down the long hallway toward his chambers.

  Do yourself a favor and end this before it comes back to haunt you.

  Jesse clenched his teeth hard enough to give himself a headache and saw Elise’s face in his mind. He would never see her again. The moment the thought passed through his mind, his rage took over, and as he crossed the threshold into his bedroom and slammed the door shut, a pained cry echoed from his throat.

  They are all here. There is still time. Kill them all.

  Jesse swore against the stuffy air around him and struggled to breathe through his pain. She was supposed to be his. She was supposed to choose him. Now he would always be alone. And she was to blame.

  You coward.

  There was a soft, vibrating chuckle that made Jesse’s teeth ache as the darkness mocked him from inside.

  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  29

  Jesse woke with a start. His eyes adjusted to his surroundings and his mind twisted with confusion. He expected to see his bedroom, large and dark from the night sky. Instead, he was sitting in a field of golden grass under a perfect blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds. Fear rattled his chest and he pushed himself quickly off the ground. How had he gotten here? Where was here?

  He spun around, searching for anything distinguishable, but he was met only with more yellow fields stretching as far as he could see in all directions. A slight breeze swept up the ends of the grass in its wake and sent an uncontrollable shiver down Jesse’s spine. The sun beat down on him from overhead and he squinted into its rays. Movement caught the corner of his eye, and Jesse turned to his left, directly toward the blinding beams. He lifted his hand up to shield his eyes, as he searched ahead for whatever might be coming.

  There was something walking his way—a person, maybe a man? It was nearly impossible to tell through the glare of the sun, but as the person approached, something inside Jesse’s gut started to quake. It was a man, a man he’d met before.

  Aaron stepped through the dazzling rays and came into focus. Jesse felt his breathing quicken, coming in small huffs as his mind tried to comprehend what was happening. Aaron was standing before him, and they were alone in a field that Jesse didn’t recognize. Had he been kidnapped in the middle of the night? Taken as he’d taken Elise? The thought stirred up dangerous emotions in his chest, and he tried to shake them off as Aaron spoke.

  “Hello, Jesse.”

  Jesse searched for his ability to speak but found that nothing seemed to be working as he would have hoped. His mind was foggy, his tongue numb, his eyes blurry. Was he dreaming? That was the only plausible explanation; he must be dreaming. He cleared his throat and regained control of his voice. “This is a dream,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “Perhaps, but then some would argue all of life is a dream,” Aaron said.

  “Where am I?”

  “The field—it’s quite famous.”

  “I’ve never heard of it.”

  “That’s because you are running from the truth.”

  Jesse’s mind buzzed with the awareness of something burning deep within him. Light, bright and hot, poked through the layers of stone he’d built up around his heart.

  “Get out of my head. I don’t want to be here,” Jesse said.

  “But here we are, so that can’t be entirely true.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Well, your heart brought you here for some reason.”

  “No,” Jesse said, taking a step away. “I know what you are trying to do. Do you enjoy making people suffer?”

  “All the suffering you face, my friend, you create yourself. Only you can choose to suffer. You can also choose to let it go.”

  The light was stronger now, yearning to grow and spread out through Jesse’s bloodstream. But he forced it down, trying to shut it in, to control it. He wouldn’t be taken without a fight. “And surrender to you, I suppose? Let you be king?”

  “Not to me. This has never had anything to do with me. Surrender to the light and let it lead you to the peace you are searching for.”

  Peace, Jesse thought; how long had it been since he’d had peace? Had he ever known it? Did it even exist, or was this just another ruse to get Jesse to comply?

  “Don’t listen to that delusional hack,” someone said behind Jesse.

  He spun around and saw the Scientist stepping toward them, his aging face wrinkled in familiarity and his gray eyes very much alive.

  “Roth,” Aaron said.

  “How dare you use my name as if you have the right to speak to me,” the Scientist spat.

  “You’re dead,” Jesse said. His head was spinning again, sweat collecting under his shirt and soaking through. He felt parched, as if his throat were a desert and he were dying of heatstroke.

  “Don’t let yourself be deceived, boy,” Roth said.

  “Clever of you to speak of deception,” Aaron said.

  Roth turned to Aaron, hate spewing from
his eyes. The darkness that Jesse knew so well seemed to ooze from the Scientist’s skin, through his pores, and out into the field. His eyes turned solid black, and Jesse felt a tremor run across his shoulders.

  “You know nothing about me,” the Scientist yelled, pointing his finger at Aaron. Then he pointed to Jesse. “And you know nothing of him.”

  “I know that all who come from the light are filled with light and are light,” Aaron said, stepping toward the Scientist. “I know that you have tried to poison his mind with lies about his true nature. I know that you have no place where the light is, and the light comes for all, so where will you run?”

  The sky opened up overhead and rain began to fall softly over them. A light drizzle draining down from the heavens. Jesse watched as dark clouds snuffed out the perfect blue and replaced it with an ominous sense of terror. Lightning cracked to his right and wind whipped violently across the grass.

  “I am not threatened by your pathetic light!” Roth said, black smoke rolling off his tongue as more darkness erupted from the old man. It worked its way across the ground toward Jesse, moving up his legs and into his gut. It filled him with a familiar comfort that he wished he didn’t long for.

  “You should be,” Aaron said. As darkness poured from Roth, Aaron’s skin began to glow in response. As the Scientist was filled with darkness, so Aaron was filled with light. He shone like a bright bulb in the middle of the darkening field.

  Jesse felt himself drawn forward, almost needing to touch the man’s vibrating, glowing skin, but before he could take a step, dark memories of his past began to play through his mind. His miserable father, drunk and violent; his mother dying, leaving him alone with a monster; his grandfather doing the same, failing to rescue him from the abuse of being used as a punching bag. And with each painful memory, Jesse saw something else. The darkness, its presence growing as each flashback inserted itself into Jesse’s brain. Always with him, sitting with him in the dead of night, hiding with him when his father was on a bender, watching him, whispering to him.

  Jesse glanced up at the Scientist, but he was no longer there. Damien Gold stood in his place instead. The same darkness floating out from his flesh, the same black circles for eyes.

  “We have always been there,” Damien whispered, his mouth moving but the words coming out in a whisper for Jesse’s mind alone.

  “Jesse, see more than what is before you,” Aaron said, his voice calm and steady. Jesse turned his eyes from the darkness now dressed up in Damien’s skin and looked at the teacher.

  “You can be free of all of this. You just have to remember who you are,” Aaron said.

  “No!” Damien screamed. “Where was your precious light when we were alone? Where were you when we were dying inside?”

  Jesse felt the darkness reach up into his chest and wrap its fingers around his heart. His mind swam again with painful moments that he had tried to lock away, and each time only the darkness was present. Damien was right; the light that claimed to be there for him was nowhere to be found.

  “Don’t trust what you see through its eyes,” Aaron said, rain thundering down in massive waves now. “See with clear vision, true vision, and know that you have always been held in light.”

  “A light that left you to suffer alone. We were there; we will always be there,” Damien said.

  Jesse gripped the sides of his chest. The darkness was maneuvering freely through his body, the light burning less fiercely in opposition. Aaron’s voice echoed inside his ears, while Damien’s voice pricked at his brain. Rain, falling in buckets of chilled water, soaked Jesse to the bone while lightning tore across the black clouds and thunder shook the ground.

  You can be free of all of this.

  We have always been there for you.

  You have always been held in light.

  We will always be there.

  Jesse felt like his head might explode, and his legs shook beneath him. A hand touched his shoulder, and it yanked him back to reality. He looked up to see Aaron standing beside him, his face inches from Jesse’s.

  “Let it go,” Aaron said. “See the light of who you really are.”

  But that was just it, Jesse thought; he’d never really seen the light at all. In times of trouble, the only thing that had ever really been by his side was the darkness. It had never left him; it had fought alongside him and filled him with the fury he had needed to guard himself; it had given him the anger he had needed to hold grievances against those who had wronged him. And Aaron wanted him to let it go? For what? Peace?

  Jesse yanked his shoulder away from Aaron and stepped back. What would peace bring him? It would only make him weak, and he couldn’t afford to be weak.

  Aaron’s eyes filled with pity, and it made Jesse’s stomach turn.

  “Who do you think you are?” Jesse asked. “Do you think I need your light? Do you think I need you?”

  “You don’t,” another voice said beside him. Jesse turned to face the darkness once more, and this time it was wearing the face of his father. Jesse nearly stumbled back in shock at seeing the man he’d loathed so much. Jesse thought of all the times he had begged his father to remain calm, all the times he’d apologized for things he hadn’t done, all the times he’d dragged the man’s unconscious body to his bed. But under his hate, Jesse felt the same yearning that he could never seem to outrun. He wanted his father to approve of him, to love him, to want him.

  The man, with his stubbly face, had the same black eyes as the Scientist and Damien. His unwashed hair was parted to the left side, thinning and disheveled. His sloppy stance and drooping posture were just as Jesse remembered. The man he called father reached out his hand and patted Jesse’s shoulder.

  “You never needed anyone. I made you strong; I gave you enough anger to take over the world. Don’t disappoint me now,” his father said.

  The person standing before him was a shadow of a man. Less than Jesse had ever been; he saw that now. But his father was right about one thing. He had given him something invaluable. Anger. And anger burned. As the word materialized in Jesse’s mind, his father pulled a burning torch from behind his back. The single strong flame licked up the rain as it fell upon it and stayed ignited.

  “Again, I urge you to see who you truly are,” Aaron said, his words nearly drowned out by the thunder rolling across the sky.

  Jesse kept his eyes on the fire dancing before him.

  “You know who you are,” his father said and extended the torch. “Burn it all.”

  The darkness roared inside Jesse’s chest and he reached forward, took the torch, and with a shout, brought it down toward the grass at his side.

  The flames captured the wheat with ease, setting it ablaze quickly and spreading with fury. Within moments, a large circle of fire blazed around them, devouring the once-golden grass and sending billows of black smoke into the rain.

  Jesse’s father started to laugh beside him, a deep chuckle that grew in volume and passion as it echoed with the thunder. Jesse himself felt a trill of pleasure escape from his mouth and he glanced up toward Aaron, expecting to see the man’s face in shambles. Instead, the calm that always seemed to hold his expression was steadily in place. He nodded to himself and spoke softly. “Even now, dear brother, the light is with you. Remember, all you have to do is see it.” He then turned and walked into the raging flames that were destroying the entire field.

  Ashes rose with the wind, laughter poured out from his father’s throat, the rain crashed down around them, and Jesse watched as the fire that burned from his anger eradicated all signs of Aaron’s peace. And then it was all gone.

  Jesse sat up in bed, startled, throbbing pain splitting across his mind and into his shoulders. He tore the covers from his body and sat, his mind spinning, his skin wet with sweat, his lungs gasping for fresh air. He stumbled from bed, tripping over his own feet and falling to his knees. He dragged himself forward, pushed himself up with his palms onto shaking legs. With a couple of difficult ste
ps, he reached the window and threw it open. Cold air rushed across his face and he breathed it in as if it were life itself. His whole body was shivering, his mind recapturing all the moments he’d just experienced.

  We will always be there for you, the darkness whispered.

  Burn it all.

  Yes, Jesse thought. The essence of the dream still following him, he strode across the room and ripped open the top drawer of his dresser. A single syringe remained, its contents dark blood.

  Do it.

  Without another thought, Jesse pulled the syringe out and injected himself. The darkness swirled violently as it brought Jesse to his knees, his body trembling under its power. He took short, labored breaths as the dark blood ravaged his system quickly, erasing all his pain and questions and filling him with only rage.

  Kill the girl; kill the light.

  Yes. His heart rammed against the inside of his rib cage, and with that one final thought, he surrendered to the darkness.

  Power unlike anything Jesse had ever known surged around and through him as the darkness filled every pore and silenced the nagging light once and for all. He took a deep breath and pushed himself up from his knees. He turned and stared at the mirror hanging over his dresser. There he saw it. His eyes like black marbles, brimming with power—a power that was now completely his, a power he should have succumbed to long ago. It yanked at him and he felt himself moving toward his bedroom door and then out into the hall.

  The night was as dark as his soul, his mind focused and following the whispers of what had infused itself into his heart. Long strides carried him forward, into another bedroom, where the beeping of medical machines and the staleness of age hung in the air. Jesse’s arm opened the top drawer of the tall dresser in the room and found what the darkness was asking for. A long, thin blade. His hand wrapped around its hilt and pulled it forth.

  He turned then to the old man lying motionless, as he had for weeks, in the bed in the center of the room. It was dark, only the small green lights of the machine displays casting any light in the room, but Jesse didn’t need to see. He finally already did. As the voice of his new master called him toward the bed and made its demands softly in Jesse’s ears, Jesse obeyed.