The Returning Read online

  A new memory: a single moment; a beautiful woman dressed in casual clothing, humming a sweet song while rocking a tiny child to sleep. Her eyes were kind and filled with love, her touch soft and easy. She gently brushed back the baby’s hair with her fingers and smiled brightly. “Never forget, my beautiful son, how precious you are,” the woman cooed. “All I have is yours, and I will give up everything for you. Do you know why, little boy?”

  Her voice was so kind and comforting that Jesse felt his legs wobble beneath him.

  “Because you, my only son, are the light of the world.”

  Her final statement ignited a fire within him and began a journey through the series of events that comprised Jesse’s history. Every moment that he had hidden in darkness, kept from the light, replayed, but differently this time. Running from his father, hiding from his madness, becoming corrupted by Damien, being used by the Scientist. Losing his mother, losing his grandfather, losing himself. In all these moments the light could be seen hanging over him while he slept, dashing with him into hiding, following his footprints, stirring inside him, keeping him close.

  The realization of how close the light had always been dropped Jesse to his knees. Again his mother’s sweet words echoed through his head.

  Because you, my only son, are the light of the world.

  Darkness brutally pounded against his skull, trying to knock loose the truth that was starting to blossom there. Its screams tore at Jesse’s eardrums, assaulting him with hatefulness.

  Stupid boy, don’t listen to her.

  You, the light of the world—ha! You are nothing!

  I am all you have. I will never leave you.

  The vibration of its words shook him deep to his core. The voice was right; it was always right.

  “No,” Elise said, reading his thoughts, “the light has always been with you. It is with you now.”

  Like a small flame, light flickered to life inside Jesse’s chest. It wavered against the darkness that still resided there but grew as Jesse let himself feel it. Tears gathered behind his eyes, and he choked back an outpouring of emotion.

  “Listen to what it calls you; hear its truth speak above the whisper of darkness,” Elise said.

  You are nothing.

  Stupid, foolish boy.

  Jesse searched above the chatter of what he knew and hoped for the scant chance that Elise might be right. Had been right all along.

  And then his entire world changed. A voice, like peaceful waves on the ocean, filled his ears and stole his heart.

  Hear me, son of the Father, perfect and loved.

  Remember who I call you. Remember where you came from.

  Chosen, blameless, perfect son of mine.

  The emotion Jesse had been holding back broke through as his mind was cleansed with the new form of love that grew with each word from the voice.

  Hear me, son of the Father, perfect and loved.

  Remember who I call you. Remember where you came from.

  Chosen, blameless, perfect son of mine.

  Jesse’s shoulders shook as tears overtook him. The small flame that had ignited in his chest spread as each layer of grime melted away and parts of his true identity started to shake loose. Had he really missed it all along? How could he never have seen?

  A thunderous wind whipped across the barren field, twisting up and around Jesse, running through his hair, pricking at his skin. It was warm, filled with intention and overwhelming power. It filled every cell and shattered the darkness, chasing it from Jesse’s heart. Shame, worry, fear, hate—all the emotions that had walked with him, lived with him, and burdened his shoulders—were lifted away with the wind. They were replaced with acceptance, strength, freedom, and love in such strong waves that Jesse feared it would tear him apart.

  Hear me, son of the Father, perfect and loved.

  Remember who I call you. Remember where you came from.

  Chosen, blameless, perfect son of mine.

  Jesse fell forward, catching himself with both palms, and wept into the ground. His entire life he’d believed he was alone, worth nothing but what he could be used for, a slave to the darkness that haunted him, unable to be free. Now he saw that all he’d ever needed to be whole was always with him. Spoken to him by the sweet words of his mother, carried in his spirit, and blocked out by his own darkness.

  “We all forget,” a voice came, and Jesse lifted his eyes from the ground to see Aaron squatting down beside him.

  “But the things I have done in my forgetfulness . . .”

  “All necessary to get you here. Only in forgetting do we have the opportunity to remember.”

  Jesse pushed himself up, wiping his hand across his face to clean the snot and tears that had made him a mess. He looked around and saw that Elise was gone; it was just him and Aaron, in a field, once beautiful and golden, that he had burned to the ground.

  “I’ve destroyed so much,” Jesse said.

  Aaron smiled and started carefully dusting away a spot in the ash. “All things are destroyed except for the truth. And where there is destruction,” Aaron said, lifting his hand, “there can always be rebirth.”

  Where his hand had been, a tiny green bud had sprouted, reaching for the sky and giving the field a tiny ounce of color. “The first step in believing in who you really are is letting go of who you thought you were,” Aaron said, “Don’t worry; it will all grow back. There’s magic in this place.”

  Aaron stood and extended his hand to Jesse. He took it, and Aaron pulled him up so that they were both standing in front of a tiny green sprout in a field of ash.

  31

  When Jesse reentered the world where he had just tried to destroy the Seers, hardly a moment had passed. Everyone was still standing in shock as Elise had only seconds before stopped a moving bullet. She was in front of him, her small hand on the side of his face, her eyes brimming with joy.

  He remembered the field, and his mother’s words, and the awakening of his light. Even now his fingers trembled at the thought of it, as if he wasn’t sure it could be real, and he felt the slight pull of the familiar darkness creeping back in.

  “Whenever I start to forget, I remind myself of what the light said to me,” Elise said.

  He didn’t have to reach far; the words drifted back like an old song that Jesse knew every word to.

  Hear me, son of the Father, perfect and loved.

  Remember who I call you. Remember where you came from.

  Chosen, blameless, perfect son of mine.

  The darkness subsided, but the shame was heavy and thick. He struggled to see through it, to see how he could ever make up for all he had done. He glanced around him, at the people he’d been moments away from killing, at the guards he’d helped to blind with the Genesis Serum, and back to Elise, the girl he’d tried to murder.

  The girl he had loved. He saw her differently now. His desire for her had been replaced with respect and admiration. She was never destined for him; he knew that clearly now. She was bound to another, and the romantic feelings that had captured his heart for so long were replaced with love and longing for another: his Father, the true desire of his heart, and the light, his new source of longing.

  “If it helps,” Elise said, “I forgive you.”

  Jesse huffed an awkward laugh and shook his head. “Now what?”

  “We show everyone their light. And we can start right here.”

  Yes, Jesse thought, show everyone.

  Something was happening in the valley straight ahead of their caravan. Nicolas ordered the vehicles to stop and climbed out of the van in which he was riding shotgun. Several other soldiers also climbed out from their vehicles, but Nicolas motioned for them to hold firm as he trekked toward the edge of the hill and glanced down into the wide valley.

  Hundreds of CityWatch personnel stood scattered about. CityWatch vehicles dotted the background, and a sense of unrest filled the air as all of them focused on whatever was playing out in the center of their gathering.
Nicolas squinted to try to see exactly what was happening, and a deep-seated fury began to form in his gut. He recognized Jesse even at this distance and knew that the girl standing opposite him had to be Elise. His soul sensed it even before his mind was certain. Dozens of questions formulated inside his mind, all of which he pushed aside as the darkness in his chest blossomed and began to speak to him.

  They have all abandoned me but you. They have forsaken my power. They have given in to weakness. Do not do the same.

  Nicolas was struck by how clear the voice was, as if someone were standing beside him, whispering into his ear. He should have been caught off guard, unnerved, but the voice was so familiar and direct that Nicolas didn’t even flinch. From where he stood, he knew that something had changed within Jesse, that he was no longer just weakly in love with a girl who threatened him but that he had given his heart to another power altogether.

  They have all abandoned me, but you will not. Surrender to me, and I will fill you with enough power to destroy them all.

  Nicolas trembled as an explosion of dark power rumbled through his body. It ignited his mind and muscles in ways he never thought possible, but as quickly as it had come it disappeared. He gasped at the sudden departure and longed for it to return.

  Surrender to me first.

  Nicolas clenched his back teeth and gave in to the calling lingering in his mind. The power returned with force, rocking through his figure like a hurricane and swallowing him with rage. Nicolas closed his eyes, and the power enveloped each of his cells, whispered instruction, and sent him on a path he was born to travel.

  He opened his eyes with intention.

  Burn them all.

  Remko watched as all the CityWatch soldiers were instructed to exit their vehicles. They had been stopped for several long minutes. Remko didn’t know why, but something was apparently happening in the valley below them. There was trouble ahead. The guards were suiting up, gathering weapons, following commands, preparing themselves to march on Nicolas’s orders.

  Something softly tugged at his heart and he suddenly felt desperate to get out of the van to see what was happening. He waited, an unwarranted excitement building as the soldiers all fell into line and began to march down the side of the hill and out of sight. He waited another moment to make sure the coast was clear, and then, with his hands still secured behind his back, he awkwardly managed to open the door and climb out.

  The second his feet touched the ground he felt it.

  The light.

  It was swimming through the air, setting the atoms around him on fire. The light ushered him toward the edge of the hill, and his heart caught in his throat as he glanced down. His eyes took in the whole scene but ignored everything except the beautiful raven-haired girl facing Nicolas and his army with certainty. He couldn’t make out the details of her face, but tears stung the back of his eyes because his heart knew her instantaneously.

  He wanted to rush down to her, yet his feet were grounded. He wanted to cry out her name, yet his voice was gone. All he could do was stare in amazement. After years of longing, of not knowing, there she was.

  Elise.

  Elise buzzed with excitement. The light was weaving through the air around her, dancing beside her, singing to her soul. Jesse stood before her, his face changed, his eyes clear. His light pulsed softly, the strength of it still unknown to him, but its presence undeniable.

  Suddenly, piercing through her happiness, she felt another essence that she knew all too well. Darkness.

  Fear rose in her core but only for a moment before it was overcome by the unchanging power flowing through her veins. If the light was in her, what should she fear? Even this monster was no match. She turned her head to see a man walking down the tall hill with an army behind him. They were coming for her, led by the darkness embodying their leader.

  “Nicolas,” Jesse said behind her.

  “Yes,” Elise said.

  “He means us harm; we should leave,” Jesse said.

  “No.” She turned to face him. “Remember who you are, and know there is nothing to fear.”

  Elise saw Nicolas’s face come into focus as the army drew closer, and the same dark essence that had filled Jesse’s face only moments earlier now laced his. This was an enemy she was getting used to, but it still sent a shiver down her back. Again she was faced with fear, and again the light was stronger. Nicolas was fueled by hate, but Elise was captured by love. She closed her eyes, felt the light that had won over death itself, and did what she’d been called to do. She sent it forth.

  Nicolas followed the leading of his newborn power as he closed the distance to Elise and Jesse. Burn them all. He could feel the rage growing within him with each step. He saw his president’s face, saw the fear that lingered in his eyes, and felt the evil essence twist with pleasure.

  Elise, however, was a different story. Her face was not the same as Nicolas remembered; it held a certainty that provoked the darkness to unparalleled anger. He yanked his weapon free and motioned for the army behind him to prepare to fire. He heard the clicking of weaponry as the guards followed orders, the darkness pumping his heart coiling up to strike. Nicolas started to raise his weapon when the ground beneath his feet began to shake.

  He looked down to see pebbles bouncing from the tremor vibrating the earth and slowed his march. The army behind him followed suit, and as he glanced up, holding himself steady, he saw that everything around them was falling victim to the powerful quake. The guards started to mumble among themselves, concern lacing their voices, and Nicolas turned his eyes to Elise, who was the only steady thing in sight. Her face glowed with light, and more hate thickened in his soul. The darkness grew furiously and screeched at the open sky.

  Burn them all!

  Nicolas tried to raised his gun again, but the vibration in the ground grew. He wobbled, nearly losing his footing, and struggled to hold on to his weapon. The dark, howling presence filled his ears, and the ground felt as though it would split beneath him. And then it all stopped.

  Everything went still. Nicolas’s eyes were on Elise as she opened hers and locked them on him. Nicolas felt himself retract a step. The darkness urged him forward, but his body was reacting to the girl before him. His heart pounded against his bones. Elise’s eyes were nothing but light, piercing out toward him and reaching into his chest. The white light lifted her arms, swirling around her like armor, and she brought her hands forward, clapping them together.

  If they made a sound, Nicolas didn’t hear it because as her palms connected, bright light exploded from her in all directions. It washed over Nicolas and drove him to his knees, a force hot enough to burn away his resolve. He gasped for breath in the wake of it. He couldn’t see anything through the blinding heat. It dove into his skin and set his blood on fire.

  He yelled out against the pain and dropped his gun; it bounced on the ground and skidded away. He grabbed for his head, the light opening pockets of agony in his mind, trying to envelop him and kill off his darkness. No, he thought, I will not succumb to this madness!

  She had to be stopped. He searched the ground for his gun but felt nothing as the earth started to shake again. Cries from his army echoed with the pounding of pain in his head. She was attacking them all.

  His shouts of anger filled the air. He would not be taken! The darkness rained down around him, threatening to crush him with its power. It called for blood. Demanded death. Nicolas dared not fail it, but he also couldn’t secure his footing. He dug for more fuel, begging the darkness for more power, for guidance. It yanked him forward and called him to stand. Nicolas followed its urging, pushing against the light and fighting to stay on his feet. He reached out, stepped forward, and connected with a body. The moment his hand grasped an arm, the light cleared just enough that Nicolas could see his face.

  Jesse.

  The man who had led them into this mess, the one who had never been strong enough to handle the power that came with his position, the man who had ab
andoned the darkness for something else. The man who had given up his power for love. The evil coursing through Nicolas’s flesh raged at the sight of Jesse, and Nicolas felt his hatred for the man intensify.

  Light cascaded around him, burning him, while the darkness lurched out, wrapping him in ice. Nicolas and Jesse held one another’s gaze. Uncontrollable rage flooded Nicolas’s senses, and suddenly all he wanted to do was crush the pathetic man standing before him.

  Jesse opened his mouth to say something, taking a step back in fear, but Nicolas wasn’t interested in what he had to say. He was following a power greater than himself, and it called for blood. The darkness erupted gleefully in his chest and rage blinded him as with a mighty shout he yanked the knife from his belt and drove it forward.

  The blade sank deep within a fleshy target, and Nicolas looked up, expecting to see the color draining from Jesse’s weak eyes. Instead he saw Elise’s. The light evaporated from the valley as Elise gasped in pain. Nicolas glanced down to see his knife plunged deeply into her gut, his fingers drenched in her blood.

  His shock passed quickly as the darkness hissed in pleasure, and Nicolas pushed the knife deeper into Elise’s stomach. She had stepped in to protect the man who had stolen her. Stupid girl. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head before she clenched them tight in agony.

  “No!” screamed a voice from behind her. Jesse moved around her and pushed Nicolas away, and the knife receded from its place. Nicolas stumbled backward from Jesse’s force as others in the valley, now able to see, cried out for Elise. Nicolas felt the manic rumble of laughter that wasn’t his own scurry through his chest and up his throat. It fell from his mouth and echoed across the sky. He had lost himself to the darkness.

  Another outburst matched his own as Jesse flung himself at Nicolas. The two tumbled to the ground, rolling in the dirt, and then Jesse had secured the boy beneath him. Nicolas felt the older man’s fist come down hard against his chin, snapping his neck sideways. Again he hit him, and again, pain raging through Nicolas’s face. Blood shone on Jesse’s knuckles as he let another wave of anger explode through his fist.